I have come to the conclusion that if one continues to burn the candle at both ends, one will eventually get burned. And so I have. I fell asleep writing my blog last night. It was in the middle of detailing my night at book club. The writing was going slowly, not because I didn’t have anything to say, but more because I couldn’t keep my eyes completely open. I would alternate closing one eye and then the other, squinting at the screen until the words blended into one another. My genius solution was to close both eyes, but just for a minute.
It worked. Within moments, the ideas were flowing. What I wrote was a deliciously funny entry that would surely entertain all of my readers for days on end.
And then I woke up—laptop still open on my lap, the cat on my shoulder, notebook on the floor, my blog barely written at all, and an early morning meeting that would require me to leave the house an hour earlier than normal. That means I had to get up an hour earlier. And I’m already NOT a morning person. I was doomed. I quickly typed up a flawed entry for last night’s blog and submitted it without a single edit before rolling over and slipping back to sleep for the few hours I had left.
What could be worse than having to go to work when you’ve been up too late? Having to go to work an hour early when you’ve been up too late.
I have discovered that sleep is actually more important than originally thought. My husband has been imploring me to sleep more, to which I have said,” Nay-nay…I will not! I must stay up until my blog is finished.” But it appears that the lack of sleep has finally caught up to me. What does this mean for my blog, you ask? Surely the show must go on! Well, fear not. The blog will not suffer. I have decided that I can cut out other non-essential activities to add more time back to the day. For example: More time eating out equals less time cooking dinner! I can write my blog while I dine. Perhaps if I have dinner delivered so I can stay home and work on writing, I could shave even more time off the clock and leave me more time for my favorite profession. Oh, and there’s more. I have an entire list! For example, if I stop cleaning the house, I can spend all that time writing, etc. I will deliver the list to my husband tonight.
Item 1: Takeout meals. Restaurants who deliver will be placed on the top of the list. Time saved not cooking means more time for writing.
Item 2: Housekeeper. I will specifically look for someone who does both dishes and laundry and isn’t afraid of large quantities of cat hair, or changing doggy diapers.
Item 3: Chauffer. Imagine all the time I would save if I wrote while riding in the backseat of the car rather than having to pay attention to the road. I have already proven my ability to multi-task, now I would be able to take that to the next level. Could type much faster if didn’t need any hands on the wheel.
Item 4: Massage. Not time saving, but would definitely be relaxing and may replace sleep as I could nod off while having sore muscles rejuvenated. Typing is very hard on the tendons after all.
I gave my list of demands to Mike. The ransom note for my affections, if you will. A bit dramatic perhaps, but I was trying to make a point.
Mike perused my entire list in silence before smiling and saying. “You’d better write faster and sell a book if you expect all of that!”
So I don’t sleep, I write. Its cause and effect. Right? And even if I had time to sleep, I couldn’t sleep. I seem to have pinched a nerve somewhere in my back that causes my leg to hurt when I go to bed. Isn’t that nice? It only hurts when I lay down. So if I could sleep in some sort of suspended animation, everything would be perfect.
I was sharing all of this with a friend earlier, about my blog, and my hip and the fact that I can’t sleep for various reasons and she said I needed therapy! I was just a little put out by that statement, and I said, “Am I really that bad?” To which she laughed, and I realized instantly that she meant physical therapy, not mental. That just goes to show you how my mind works!
So back to my day today…
Did I mention how important it would be to bring extra napkins to an early morning corporate meeting so that when you fall asleep you can wipe up the drool before anyone notices you were drooling? You could “accidentally” spill your water—that does work—but just being prepared goes a long way. I tell my kids that all the time. Be prepared! And hide your cell phone—another good piece of advice while at a corporate meeting. Much like in high school, texting in a meeting is a major no-no. That’s not to say I abstained. I can’t seem to go more than a few minutes without checking my email, or answering a text. I’m so connected I think I might actually be in the Matrix! I started noticing things, like déjà vu, and wondering if I just caught a glitch in the code. When I was supposed to be paying attention to the droning in the front of the room I found myself watching for strings of code in the drop ceiling instead. I didn’t see any, but I wasn’t completely convinced they weren’t there. Then again, I may have just been so bored that I was sleeping with my eyes open. For just a quick second, at the most mind numbing moment, I imagined Godzilla crashing through the drop ceiling and grabbing the speaker by his head. I laughed out loud, briefly interrupting the quiet, but waking me up enough to make it through the rest of the meeting.
Thankfully I have Wednesday off. I can wear pajamas all day long, and I just might do that. It should create an interesting stir at the DMV while I’m there renewing my driver’s license. But moments like that are what keeps you coming back to see what on earth I’m up to now. Right? I promise not to disappoint. I may even steal an hour or two and get that massage after all. If I can manage to stay awake, it might make for interesting reading. Then again, it might just make for a better writer. After all…rest is important to the mind.
Until the next time…I’ll be sleeping upside down in gravity boots!