attack of the girl scout cookies
Today my willpower was tested like no other day in recent history. The little cookie dealers in their innocent looking Girl Scout getups were camped outside of the bank pushing their crack biscuits again. It was like a sucker punch to the gut when I saw them. It knocked the wind straight out of me, backing me up a few steps from where I stood in the parking lot.
I wasn’t at the bank when they arrived. I was at a meeting offsite, and when I came back, there they were. The crazy thing is…it was my idea. I’m the one who got them permission to hawk their goodies practically on my doorstep, but that was weeks ago—before I discovered I had a problem. I didn’t expect to see them today—cases of Thin Mints at the ready—so close to where I keep all of my money.
I’d given them up, the Thin Mints. Gone cold turkey weeks ago. But there they were in all their minty goodness, staring me in the face like a bad nightmare. I even had a wad of cash in my purse just begging me to spend it.
It didn’t help that the little cookie peddlers were totally not shy about running up to everyone they saw, waving the damn things under my nose until the saliva glands kicked in, making me drool like Henry Chow in a fish market. If only my legs could carry me faster, but as we all know…I don’t run.
I steeled myself against the temptation, and set off at a hobbled clip until they were on the other side of the glass door. I could still see them. It was still hard. But I had done it. I had walked away from my biggest temptation.
And straight into another one.
Why the hell is it that working at the bank means I have to be in constant, close proximity to all things sugary? In the break room at any given moment one will likely find boxes of cookies, bags of candy, loose M&Ms, a box of pistachios (healthy in small doses, but lethal if you eat everything your pockets can hold) and even an entire cake! Is it any wonder I’m having such a hard time resisting the temptation of confections? Can’t we have carrot sticks and celery once in a while? Maybe some granola bars? Some yogurt?
No, because apparently bankers like sweets.
There is most certainly a joke in there somewhere, and I can’t wait for my readers to draw it out and post it for me below!
To make matters worse, the minute I caught sight of the Girl Scout cookies, I started having an unnatural craving for Diet Coke. I made a beeline for the bathroom and locked myself in to do deep breathing exercises, while chanting to myself, “I will eat a healthy meal today…I will eat a healthy meal today!”
Because healthy meals are what I’m all about these days. My husband is adamant that I eat right and give up the junk food for good. He’s taken to checking up after me in the bank account. He was counting the frequency of fast food encounters and calculating my extravagant spending on the same. It is quite sobering to have someone show you a spread sheet documenting how many times you’d been to Chick-Fil-A in a week’s time. I swear it’s just for the lemonade. They have the best lemonade, and it even comes in diet!
So I’m doing a bit of counter intelligence. I’ve been getting cash back at the grocery store. Cash is untraceable. And my husband is quite pleased with me, because my fast food consumption has dropped off considerably in the last week. So everybody wins! And just for good measure, I have actually been eating healthier, and even cooking more at home. I know…I may ruin my reputation, but it’s a risk I’ll have to take!
I keep hoping that spring will eventually show up, and it if does, I might actually want to wear a cute skirt, or a pair of shorts. I can’t keep putting off the groundhog diet, even if the groundhog isn’t holding up to his end of the bargain. With only a few days of March left, it was still ridiculously cold in Atlanta today. The story is, tomorrow will be warmer. I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m not taking any chances. I’ll be sure to pick out two set of clothes for the morning, just in case.
So it’s about that time again…time for me to try to grab a few uninterrupted hours of sleep. I’ve been trying for years, and I’m determined to get it someday.
Until the next time…I’ll be dreaming of Thin Mints fighting carrot sticks in a food channel version of Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots.