sweet vindication!

The scientific evidence has been presented and the verdict is clear—my addiction to Girl Scout cookies is REAL! I may never stop saying, “I told you so.”  I feel like dancing in the streets!  My willpower isn’t weak…the addiction is just too strong for a mere mortal to fight off without help. 

I have been calling Girl Scout cookies “crack biscuits” for a while now, and as it turns out they (and others of their kind) are more akin to heroin.  And to quote Edward Cullen…they are exactly my brand of heroin!

According to the scientific study I read, eating yummy sweets creates a happy high state in your brain, and after a while, you need the sweets to get that happy feeling, otherwise you are left in a state of despair.  I didn’t need any scientific study to tell me that eating Thin Mints makes me happy.  And I didn’t need any scientists to tell me that when I don’t get my sugary fix I feel a range of emotions anywhere from angry to sad.  It’s sort of like PMS.  And this is starting to explain a whole lot!  

Things are coming together like a puzzle inside my head.  I don’t have PMS.  I have Girl Scout cookie withdrawal!  I had never thought much about it, but it’s perfectly clear to me now.  When I ate the sweets I was happy and when I didn’t, I was miserable.  And I have been all kinds of miserable since I’ve been trying to kick the habit.   It might also explain why I have been so tired lately.

So it’s official.  I’m an addict!  But, I’m working hard at being a recovering addict.  Other than my little slip the other day, I haven’t had Girl Scout cookies in weeks.  And believe me, the temptation was there.  I will likely always have to fight against it.

So I’m thinking I may need to take a medical leave of absence to treat my addiction.  You know…a week or two, maybe a month.  It happens all the time when people are addicted to the hard stuff, and Girl Scout cookies are as hard as they come, right? 

Does medical insurance even cover cookie rehab?  Are there centers to go to for this sort of thing? Some sort of rehab/spa where I can just chill for a while, sipping on healthy smoothies while getting a daily massage? Or am I on my own battling this horrible affliction? I will need a strong support group…are you with me?  And something seriously has to be done about the cookie pushers.  Can they be allowed to move among us with such ease?  The cookie cartel must be stopped before more people fall victim!

All joking aside, I am buoyed by this new information.  Knowing is half the battle, and now I know how dangerous these types of foods are to our precarious balance.  I’ve never smoked or done drugs and I’ve never been a big drinker.  Why?  Because all of those things are bad for you…dangerous.  I tend to steer clear from things that are dangerous to my health.  But a few cookies?  What could be more benign?  I know better now.  My enemy has been identified, and my battle lines are drawn.  I will come through on the other side as a stronger, healthier person. 

Right after I finish my experiments. 

I am convinced that the girl scouts are adding something extra to the already addictive cookies to make them doubly difficult to resist.  I am experimenting with the Keebler chocolate mint Grasshopper cookies to see if eating them will cause the same euphoria as when eating a Thin Mint.  They are in the freezer now.  I will keep you posted!

Until the next time…I will be weaning myself of all things sugary!

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Posted on March 29, 2010 .