win lose or draw

It’s that time of the month again…

No, not THAT time of the month.  I wasn’t suffering from PMS or any of its nasty little symptoms today.  I was referring to book club. 

I actually read a really good book this week.  It wasn’t the one we were discussing tonight, but no one really expects me to read the book, and it’s gotten to the point that I feel it might be a disappointment if I change my tactics this late in the game.  So, of course I was unprepared—not that it really mattered tonight.  Our new and improved book club format includes a quick rundown of the book followed by a rousing game of something or other.  Last month it was Scattergories.  This time…Pictionary. 

All the usual suspects were in attendance, and as you may recall, Mrs. Jones and Miss Congeniality are very competitive.  There was some debate as to whether it would be better or worse to have them on the same team as they originally argued for, and it was decided that it would be far more entertaining, if nothing else, to have them on opposite teams.  In fact, they would be team captains and would pick their teams. 

The host tonight was Mrs. Van Gogh (not her real name) and she is quite artistic.  She has painted a number of the art pieces in her own house, so it should have been obvious that she would be the one to beat in a game based on artistic talent.  Mrs. Jones would have been crazy to pass on her as the first pick.  But I won’t call her crazy.  I’m sure she had another strategy in mind. 

Mrs. Jones picked Tex and Picasso (not their real names) to be her team mates—the two people in the room who had vehemently declared from the outset that they could not draw at all.  Her strategy was so diabolical, that I still haven’t figured it out!

Being a writer, I would never claim to be an artist, but I would definitely say that I am creative.  My drawings may not have been Michelangelo quality or anything, but they were all guessed before the buzzer went off.  I even managed to guess a few to keep us ahead.  My team mates were equally talented at the guessing, and Mrs. Van Gogh far exceeded either of us at the drawing.  Miss Congeniality was a good guesser.  Drawing was not her strong suit.  But I gave her extra points for her superior captaining skills as she picked the strongest players to be on her team.  We managed to stay half a board’s length ahead of the other team for most of the game. 

Mrs. Jones does not like to lose.  This made it that much more fun to watch her non-drawers attempt to sketch out clues for her team to guess.  Picasso was tasked to draw a bottle cap for her turn.  I say this only because the game is long since over and I now know what she was supposed to be drawing.  During the competition I would have never guessed.  Her bottle resembled a length of PVC pipe with a cover on each end.  She blamed her drawing on the piña coladas.  She had a few.  So did I, but I wasn’t convinced that Pictionary was the same thing as karaoke and a few drinks would help me draw better.  Picasso Piña Colada, as I was now calling her, was holding on to that notion with both hands! 

Tex came up to bat next for the other team.  As his name implies, his clue was Texas.  His drawings, however, were hardly Texan.  His longhorn steer sort of looked like a donkey constructed out of Lego’s.  His cartoon sombrero was supposed to resemble a ten gallon hat.  But his drawing of the state of Texas looked a little like Abraham Lincoln’s profile.  We didn’t even disqualify him for cheating when he drew the letter D (strictly forbidden in the game) at the top of the white board.  D was absolutely no help to anyone and may have actually hindered their ability to guess correctly. 

Team Van Gogh was up at bat again. 

I drew “nut” for the next clue.  My brain immediately shifted into inappropriate territory for this one.  I could only think about my kindergarten drawings of my parents (sans clothing) as I was trying to formulate a plan to get my team to guess correctly.  I ended up going with a squirrel, a tree, and something that looked a little like an egg.  Mrs. Van Gogh actually guessed that it was a squirrel eating an egg before Miss Congeniality shouted out the correct answer.  Several turns later, Picasso drew something that looked suspiciously like the nut I wanted to draw but didn’t.  I figured I should at least pretend to have a little more decorum than that.  You know…for the neighbors.

I have come to the conclusion that Pictionary turns everyone into really old deaf people.  The wrong answer is yelled out louder and louder the more times it is wrong.  As if saying it louder will suddenly make it the right answer.  And amazingly, there were several people that believed there were objects known as a moon head, a bee arrow, and a house butt.  At one point, Tex managed to shout out the answer to the clue HE was drawing (we gave him a do-over just to be sure Mrs. Jones didn’t have a reason to call a stalemate later in the game).  Oh, and no one could draw a bottle. 

Did I need to mention that my team won?  Yeah, we did.  I hate to say it, but I just don’t lose at board games.  I suppose it could happen, but not today.  Oh, and I got picked last.  Just like in elementary school kick ball.  Some things just never change!

Until the next time…I’ll be brushing up on my bottle drawing skills!

Copyright © 2000-2018, Erica Lucke Dean. All rights reserved. Any retranscription or reproduction is prohibited and illegal.
Posted on May 10, 2010 .