My husband and I had one of those arguments this evening. You know the ones…where someone inevitably tosses out an unforgivable statement, be it fact or exaggeration, and the rest is as they say…history. Well, I can’t seem to forget the words he said, or the even harsher meaning behind them. And I wonder if he wasn’t right…maybe I am inadequate. Maybe I am wasting my time writing a blog every night, maybe no one really reads it at all. And maybe I should devote more time to making sure the house is spotless and dinner is on the table by six every day.
That is my “job” isn’t it?
Well, since I quit my real job it is. And is it any wonder I’m beginning to regret that decision? Not because I miss the day job (I don’t), but because having it seemed to give my life some sort of respectable purpose. What is my purpose now?
I’m having a minor crisis of identity, I think.
I used to define myself as a mother, but my children are almost grown and have little use for me on a day to day basis…so although I am still a mother, I am not using my mothering skills quite as often these days. I used to define myself as a business banker, but I quit my job to focus on writing (instead of my high blood pressure) so I’m no longer a bank officer. I once even defined myself as a singer…I was pretty good…but I don’t sing anymore, so I can’t call myself a singer. So all I am left with is writer and wife, and after tonight it seems I’m not doing a bang up job as a wife either…so if I don’t write my blog, how would I define myself? Who would I be?
More importantly, how could I ever give up writing?
I’ve been writing as long as I can remember. Writing allows me to step outside of myself and into a new exciting world where I hold the keys to everything. And more than that, it allows me the freedom to be who I really am inside—without rules, definitions, or boundaries.
I can’t let myself forget for a single instant that I am a writer…and writer’s write…even if no one reads it.
That is what I am trying to do with my daily blog. I’m trying to hone my craft while keeping it fresh. I am trying to open a small window into my little world and let you in.
So maybe…if I blog it, you will read.
I would ask that everyone who reads my blog today leave a little comment below…just something to let me know you were here. And hopefully you’ll come back…I still have a lot more to say.
Until the next time…I’ll be hanging out in my private world, come on in!