I know I’ve talked about this before, in fact, it always seems to come back to the topic of hair removal with me, doesn’t it? I mean, who hasn’t heard about my disasterous attempt at a self-bikini wax? If you haven’t, you just haven’t been paying attention. And that’s ok. Not everyone likes horror stories. I know I don’t. And speaking of horror stories and hair removal…age is the most evil karma I’ve ever run across.
Ok, I’m going to break it down simply. What the hell has happened to my eyelashes? I used to have the thickest, longest, most luxurious eyelashes ever. And now…nothing. Well, almost nothing. I even find myself browsing the false eyelashes in the make-up aisles, but my history with things found in the beauty aisles at the local grocery store freaks me out a little. That is where I found the home waxing kit, after all. No, I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do about the situation, but I can definitely say, if I had to have hair fall out somewhere, this is not where I would have chosen.
Ok, I know I’m lucky the hair on my head is still lush, but so is the hair on my legs and bikini area, and people, that shit could fall out tomorrow and I wouldn’t shed a single tear. Not one. Hey, I’d be happy if the hair under my arms would cease to grow. Or those stray little hairs that crop up in weird places where they never grew before…yeah, those can go too. But my eyelashes? Seriously? What did I do in a past life to deserve this? And does this mean I get a wish for every lash that blows away? Surely that’s a fair trade off, even if I do waste them wishing for more eyelashes.
And as I try to make sense of what’s happened, I find myself wanting to blame Obama…everyone seems to blame him for something these days, but I just can’t come up with a cool enough scenario…and yeah, I’m a writer. Surely I can come up witih some valid argument for why Obama is the reason my eyelashes don’t seem to want to grow and cooperate anymore.
Otherwise, I’m going to have to blame my age, and that totally sucks. I keep telling myself I’m not old, and the evidence against my theory just keeps building up. I can lie to myself and color the gray all I want, but nature simply won’t play fair.
Eyelashes. Seriously? Karma, you got this round. I’ll buy the next.
Until the next time…I’ll be feeling sorry for myself.