Erica Lucke Dean

"Making the world a better place, one book at a time."

pigs gone wild

I always knew it was a bad idea to get pigs. Ok, so maybe that's a lie. I didn't know.  But I had an idea. Sure they were cute little things with their pink bellies and flat noses, but something told me they weren't going to stay that way. Something told me from day one we were in over our heads. Five baby pigs would grow into five huge hogs. Five destructive baconators, hell bent on destroying fields, fences, and lives.

And then there were two... 

After the high tech redneck hubby (formerly known as IDP) and I took the first group of pigs to the giant freezer in the sky, I felt like a little weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Our pigs had enjoyed life to the fullest. I felt no guilt about that. And finally, I could breathe a little easier knowing we wouldn't have to chase the little troublemakers around anymore when they escaped. And let's face it they were experts at jail breaks.

Then, just a week before the last two would take their final ride, they staged one last prison break for old time's sake. 

What a dirty little piggy! 

What a dirty little piggy! 

We were gone for the day, of course... somehow pigs just know. But when we returned home later that afternoon, our neighbor quickly flagged us down to let us know our pigs had made a break for it not long after we set out on our day trip. They'd made passes through every yard from here to the end of the block, tearing up every inch of turf in their paths.  When they got bored with that, they headed for the road.

Sadly, it was another missed opportunity for my imaginary reality TV film crew.  From what I understand, it was like an episode of Pigs Gone Wild. I almost wish I'd been here to see the cars swerving and skidding into ditches. I can only imagine the sounds of horns blaring and people screaming as two giant pigs left a trail of destruction in their wake. But I have a really good imagination.

And I got to listen to my neighbor (code name: Mr. Kravitz) tell me all about it. I'm pretty sure they hate us.

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And the pigs? Oh, they eventually came back, covered in mud from noses to tails. Let's just say a bag of cracked corn and an orange bucket can work miracles. As for me...I'm counting down the days until the last two pigs become bacon.  Sure, I'll miss them...a little. Life won't be nearly as exciting without them. But I think I can live without a little excitement for a change.

Until the next time...I'll be making room in the freezer. 

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