I have a giant yellow piece of digging machinery in my yard. I think it’s called a caterpillar, but truthfully, I don’t know for sure. I know it’s menacing and it digs giant holes in the earth. So far three of them. It’s searching for buried treasure. But don’t go getting too excited. I haven’t found the map to One Eyed Willie’s pirate ship or anything. I wish.

They’re searching for my septic tank. Gross, I know. But the worst part was when the guy told my husband that back when my house was built (in the 1920’s) they used to use all sorts of things for septic tanks. He once dug up a sealed up Volkswagon (or so he says, I’m still trying to Google the truth out of that one.) They’d better find the damn thing soon. It’s not functioning properly and it’s backing up into my basement. Yeah…when the shit hits the fan, as the saying goes. Oh, don’t get me started on that one…

Let’s recap my first month in the country, shall we?

I moved in to a house with no hot water for almost two weeks. My washing machine is finally hooked up, but my dryer isn’t, so I can’t really do laundry unless I hang it to dry, and let’s not push my luck with this whole country thing, shall we? My  dishwasher has power, finally, but no water (another long story), and now my septic is backing up into the scary basement (which was already ripped directly out of The Ring and didn’t need any help being terrifying.)

Let’s not forget we might discover someone’s old Beetle, sealed up in a hole serving as a raw sewage receptacle. What the hell…maybe we will find One Eyed Willie’s treasure out there, and if we do…treasure can be washed in super hot water with lots of antibacterial soap, right?

Is it any wonder I’ve decided to disappear into a racy good book or three?

Until the next time…I’ll be knee deep in treasure with a book in my hands!