have it your way...

I have a pet peeve.  And my pet peeve is a direct result of my husband’s pet peeve.  We feed off of each other in a sort of pet peeve banquet.  And truth be told, I’d rather eat what I ordered instead…just the way I want it, if that’s not too much trouble!

If you haven’t guessed yet, I’m talking about the drive-thru window at any fast food restaurant, pharmacy, or any other establishment that actually has a drive up window. 

Specifically, I’m talking about Dairy Queen.

After dinner this evening, Mike and I decided to live dangerously and go out for ice cream.  There were a few options available, but after a quick deliberation we agreed on Dairy Queen.  I had a wicked craving for a Reese’s peanut butter cup Blizzard, and a diet Coke.  The irony of that combination is not lost on me…but it’s what I wanted.  So we traveled the short distance to the local DQ, and queued up to the drive-thru menu. 

Even before we pulled up to the speaker, Mike predicted that the voice would demand our order immediately.  We had clearly been there before.  And he was quite correct.  No sooner had we pulled up to the menu when the voice in the speaker unapologetically demanded that we “go ahead with your order now.”

We both laughed, but I think that I was the only one who actually found it humorous.  Mike considered the demand to be added pressure to decide quickly. 

The problem lies in Mike’s pet peeve. 

Mike hates the drive-thru window.  Any drive-thru window.  And his discomfort borders on a full blown phobia.  And because of that, he approaches the speaker with the most basic of needs only.  He will not order anything that even remotely requires any special attention.  No “special order” burgers (minus the pickles or mayonnaise.)  No requests for “light ice” in a drink.  And no unnecessary delays in ordering.  You see...these things run the risk of messing up the order. 

In fact, as we sat at the speaker at Dairy Queen, the pressure of choosing his ice cream was too much for Mike.  He just asked them to give him another of what I wanted.  And my request for “light ice” in my diet Coke was completely ignored.

I find his drive-thru quirk to be extremely irritating—especially when I’m the one who wants to “hold the pickles” and go “easy” on the ice.  But as we all know, I try to look to the positive side of things, so I look for the fun in the whole situation as often as possible. 

It is because of this that Mike won’t let me drive when we go to Dairy Queen anymore.  Especially after the time I chose to use a funny accent in the drive-thru and proceeded to order everything as if I was a cross between Rain Man and Forrest Gump.  I told them I wanted my ice cream “to go” but I would have my drinks for “here”.  I’m sure the people inside the Dairy Queen got a good laugh out of the moment, but Mike shrank into the passenger seat, trying desperately and unsuccessfully to disappear into the upholstery. 

Another time I ordered our entire meal at a Burger King and then cancelled everything, just to redo the entire order…exactly the way I had originally ordered it…minus the pickles and half the ice, of course! It was all in good fun.

He didn’t find it funny at all.

So tonight…after he rushed through our order, ordering himself the exact same ice cream as I ordered, and cup of ice masquerading as a diet Coke...Mike stated that he wished he had gotten something more simple.  He was really just craving a bowl of plain vanilla ice cream.  I asked him why he didn’t order what he wanted, and he said, “When ordering in the drive-thru, the less said the better.  The more information you give them, the more chances they have to mess up your order.”

So the moral of the story seems to be that Mike would rather have a perfectly ordered Reese’s peanut butter cup Blizzard than a messed up bowl of vanilla ice cream.  Even though he didn’t really want the candy in his ice cream.  I sort of wonder what he was worried they would do to his plain vanilla…but I didn’t want to mess with his flawless logic this time. 

Besides, I need more time to figure out how I can turn that into some sort of funny prank down the line.  I’ll let you know what I come up with!

Until the next time…I’ll be trying to fall asleep after that all that candy and diet Coke!

Copyright © 2000-2018, Erica Lucke Dean. All rights reserved. Any retranscription or reproduction is prohibited and illegal.
Posted on October 21, 2010 .