Another excerpt from the Penis Factor…
“This goes much deeper than failing to ask for directions or putting the toilet seat down. This is deep-rooted in the male genetic makeup. It is something that crosses racial and cultural lines, for at their core, men are still just men.”
When an otherwise intelligent woman utters something that can be construed as stupid, the common phrase is to say her “roots” are showing. Regardless of whether or not the woman in question is a blonde, this expression is meant to convey the message that under there somewhere she is a “dumb” blonde.
So, would it be fair to say in comparison, that when a man is caught in the act of doing something decidedly “manlike”, that his penis is showing? It’s basically the same thing. We’re defining the action using a physical tag line. Men behave the way they behave in essence due to the presence of their penis. Over the years, the penis has gotten more press than any other body part. Sigmund Freud devoted much of his practice to defining the envy of this self-same body part.
I mean, let’s face it, men come in different shapes and sizes, different cultures and races, from different places all over the globe, but the one common thread between them is the penis. It is what defines a man as being a man, his veritable manhood. They derive great pride in extolling its size and magnificence, drawing the line only at displaying it as artwork above the fireplace, and I have no doubt they would if they could.
The penis is said to be the man’s true head, the true brain of the operation. Dictating the direction the man takes in almost every aspect of life. I wonder sometimes if the size of a man’s penis has some direct correlation to his intellect. Like, for instance, the smarter he is, the smaller his penis is. Wouldn’t that make for a fun rumor? If I leaked it out that there was some medical study done that proves that a well endowed man is less likely to score big on the IQ scale? I think men everywhere would suddenly pretend to be dumb. It would be just like the way men treat women with big breasts. The bigger the breasts, the dumber she is thought to be. I want to start that rumor over the internet. Doctors and lawyers of the world beware. Hide your Harvard degrees in the closet or risk losing your manly man status. I would like to start that rumor, but somehow I feel as if it would back fire on me. Somewhere a very smart man would find a way to toss me into a jail and throw away the key. Beware of a penis scorned, and all that.
And where the male penis is concerned, it’s not just his own penis that we’re talking about. Parental pride abounds in our male species. I remember when my son was born, the look of gratification on his father’s face at his son’s splendid little package turned to disappointment when he discovered that the enormous package this tiny infant was sporting was merely a hormonal condition left over from life in the womb. In other words, his little bits and pieces were just swollen, and they would revert to their normal baby size within days. The grown man was as deflated as his tiny son’s testicles soon would be.
So I ask again. When a man is doing his manly things, can’t we just say, “His penis is showing”? It would explain so much in so few words.
As much as I would like credit for coining such a phrase, I dare say, maybe not.
Exposing ones roots, as it were, rarely elicits horrified mothers everywhere diving to cover the impressionable eyes of their young offspring, or frantic calls to 911.
So, you heard it here first, but don’t say you weren’t forewarned if you land yourself in hot water by saying “his penis is showing.”