give it to me straight, doc

I had a doctor’s appointment today to get to the bottom of these mysterious dizzy spells I have been having.  Everyone knows I’m always just a little bit dizzy.  I mean, I would probably fail a field sobriety test, stone cold sober, because I can’t seem to walk in a straight line. But lately, the dizzy spells have gotten out of hand, so my husband insisted that I go see a doctor.

And while I was there, I should probably ask him why my elbow hurts all the time (this also from my husband.)

So I got to the doctor’s office this afternoon and after checking in and refusing to let them weigh me—in my defense, I was wearing really heavy boots and extra clothes due to the weather and everyone knows you can’t get weighed in while wearing heavy boots and extra clothes—I had to answer all of the questions about what has been bothering me lately.  I started off with my blood pressure being high, even while taking my medication, and moved straight into the ringing in my ears that seems to get worse when my blood pressure is high.  Then I told him about the dizzy spells that set off minor panic attacks when the room starts to spin as if I was on a high speed merry-go-round. 

And then he listened patiently (no pun intended) as I gave him my theory as to why I am feeling this way.

First off, I would like to say that I love my doctor (in a strictly doctor/patient sort of way.) He has a great sense of humor, he seems to know a thing or two about medicine, and he didn’t laugh once when I told him what I thought was wrong with me.

“I think I am being affected by the shift in the magnetic poles.” Long pause. 

When he didn’t laugh, I went on.  “I have always been very sensitive to my surroundings and I know that the poles are in the process of shifting and I believe this has caused me to lose my tracking ability.  If it can happen to thousands of birds, it could happen to me.” He started to say something but I quickly added, “And I have always had a very magnetic personality.  I give off an electric shock when I touch things.”

“That’s from the dry weather.” He said with certainty. 

“But do you think it’s possible that I can feel the magnetic shift of the poles?”

He didn’t.  But amazingly, he had read the same article that I had read, and he knew I was kidding.  Unfortunately, I am not a superhero, and I cannot feel the earth spinning on its axis.

Too bad.

Still, I needed to know what WAS wrong with me, and my doctor seemed to have the answer I was looking for.  Even if it was not the answer I was expecting.

It would appear that my days are numbered.  I only have about forty or fifty years left to live.  And I’m going to be dizzy for most of them.  I have a condition called Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo, or BPPV.  Basically it means that every time I move my head, the room spins. 

And I smiled.  “Are you sure?”

He was.

In fact, he said that I wasn’t crazy (another piece of good news) that I really did feel the room spinning and tilting and it was essentially because the “gyroscopes” in my inner ear did not function properly.  And I let out a huge sigh of relief. 


I have a valid excuse for being clumsy.  I no longer have to endure the strange looks and snarky comments from the people in my life who don’t understand why I can’t seem to walk through a room without tripping over imaginary objects.   I can now officially use a doctor’s excuse when walking into walls! 

Oh, and my elbow?  A pinched nerve—from using the track pad on my laptop, it would seem.  Another fairly easy fix.  He also upped my blood pressure meds to help lower my blood pressure and keep me from having those nasty panic attacks.  It might even help with my inner ears since the pressure seems to be exacerbating the vertigo. 

Funny thing is, I sort of figured that was what the problem was.  I even told my husband before I left, “it’s just a perfect storm of little things all working together inside me to give me something to write my blog about.”

And it was.

Until the next time…I’ll be spinning my way around the house with a new outlook!

Copyright © 2000-2018, Erica Lucke Dean. All rights reserved. Any retranscription or reproduction is prohibited and illegal.
Posted on January 14, 2011 .