I was watching the Presidential debate this evening with the sound off. Why was the sound off? Because I was at karaoke and you can’t exactly listen to a debate while people are singing, right? But I was still interested. I wanted to know what they had to say…or rather, their facial expressions and body language as they spewed their answers. I found myself imagining each candidate in their Halloween costumes. I dressed them as vintage movie monsters in my head. President Obama would make a fetching Bela Lugosi as Dracula, and Mr. Romney would look amazing with a few bolts in his neck as Frankenstein. In fact, the debate might have been a lot more interesting had they dressed like that. But all kidding aside, I know I should be more involved, and honestly, I am in my own way. My issue is, I just don’t think either candidate is being 100% truthful during a debate. They’re both trying to one up the other to win an election. And while each may have interesting points on any given subject, I’m pretty sure there are better options out there.
Like…I don’t know…Godzilla, maybe?
This isn’t the first time I’ve waxed philosophical about the merits of the fire breathing lizard, either. I feel as if we don’t give enough credit to old fashioned monsters in modern society.
I think back to my earlier years, when Life was a board game you could cheat, the bills were always paid on time (and by someone else), and food magically appeared on the table. I didn’t worry about global warming, AAA credit ratings, or the price of oil. It didn’t matter how much gold cost on the open market, because I knew I could find an endless supply at the end of a rainbow, guarded by a little man in a green suit. I didn’t have a care in the world. The only things to fear were coal in my Christmas stocking and Godzilla. Basically, Godzilla was the only truly scary thing the world had to offer. Nothing could even compare.
No matter what they threw at him, he would defeat it.
Smog monster? No contest. The terrifying Rodan? Atomic toast against Godzilla. Even King Kong knew he had met his match in his battle with the giant lizard.
There was even a time when my giant moth had tried to take out Godzilla…but Mothra didn’t stand a chance against him. Because when it came right down to it…Godzilla kicked ass.
I mean, come on, admit it…if you’re locked in a room with rising unemployment, falling stock markets, and government sponsored health care, and Godzilla suddenly comes knocking…does anything else really matter? Who runs from inflation? Not Godzilla, I’m certain.
But I can almost guarantee the world would run from Godzilla.
Suddenly, societies that despised each other would unite. There would be an unexpected commonality among different races and religions. It wouldn’t matter if you were team Edward or team Jacob. Even Mac and PC users would band together. We are talking about the ultimate US vs. THEM…with “them” being Godzilla and his breath of fire.
If you ask me, this crazy world we live in just might need a fire breathing lizard to pull us together…set us back on the path to a common goal. He would certainly create jobs as we threw up factories to build Godzilla thwarting weapons and fire proof armor. And he would reduce carbon emissions with every SUV he trampled along the highway.
Yes, the world needs Godzilla…if for nothing else than to chase the scary moths from my back porch.
Until the next time…I’ll be preparing for the first invasion!