Ok, I had a bad day. A really, really bad day. I was pouting, and moping, and spouting out things like, “Life stinks!”

As it turns out, life isn’t what stinks. Dog farts are what stinks.

So now I’m doing things like Googling dog farts. I’ve done it before, and I’m not sure I’m getting any new results, but what in the Hell is my dog eating that makes his farts smell like burning tires? I’m not missing any shoes. He eats the same food, every day. I don’t feed him table scraps…not often anyway…and I make sure he gets plenty of fresh veggies. How could he possibly smell like he’s digested a skunk? Such is the life of an English Mastiff owner, I guess. If you’re not drowning in drool, you’re suffocating on gas.

I’ll survive.

That is, unless the demented ducks find away to get into the house at night. I’m still not sure what they’re up to, but I’ve definitely got my eye on them.

Until the next time…I’ll be looking up gas masks on Amazon.