monday, it's you again

"Is there a cheeseburger in my pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

I have a new motto...never go to McDonald's on a Monday. It's bound to be fraught with trouble. In my own defense, I had no plans to go to McDonald's today. My plan was simple. Buy a gallon of paint and go home. Ok, so maybe I did pencil in a side trip to a fast food destination, but I wasn't really specific. And since I wasn't driving, I didn't get to choose.

And honestly, I know I set myself up for disaster when I ordered the cheeseburger meal without the cheese. But there isn't a hamburger meal on the menu, and it's cheaper if you get the fries and the drink all together.

Side note: This is not the time to contradict me, I've had a bad day.

So anyway, I ordered my cheese-less cheeseburger but they put cheese on it. My daughter decided she would lodge the complaint on my behalf, and after years of training with the master (me) she came back with a fresh hamburger, AND the cheeseburger, AND a coupon for a free meal next time. Oh yes, the pride was overflowing on this one. My little padawan learned well. So off we went, bag overflowing with burgers (and a few chocolate chip cookies, thank you very much!).

On the way home, my daughter got a call, and decided she was just going to drop me off and head to a friend's house. So rather than open the gate for the truck, I jumped out and walked to the house and she drove off.

And as I heard the old pick up rattle its way down the road, and I balanced my bag of food, my drink, my can of paint and my purse, I realized she drove off with the house keys, and all the doors were locked.

I stood on the front porch, peering through the antique wavy glass window at my dog's tongue, flapping in the breeze as he panted and drooled his greeting to me--wondering why I was still standing outside. And though I can't read minds, I was certain he was thinking I should come in right away, and show him what was in the pretty bag with the golden arches.

I had no choice but to jimmy the window open and climb in. I wasn't about to sit on the front porch for hours with no laptop, and no power cord for my phone. Once I had the window propped open so it wouldn't fall on me like a wooden guillotine, I went about climbing through the opening.

The dogs decided they should help me. And let's get one thing straight...dogs are NOT helpful when you are trying not to fall as you climb in a window. Especially when you're packing cheeseburgers, and fries, and cookies (oh my).  They flanked me on each side, sniffing me like I was a spring flower, but I knew the truth. They were hoping I'd trip, scattering the food on the way down. They'd seen it happen before, and they knew the odds were in their favor.

I made it in safely. No cheeseburgers (or hamburgers) were harmed in the writing of this blog. I did end up covered in slimy drool and spider webs, but at least I got to eat my lunch in peace. And that's saying a lot in my house.

Until the next time...I'll be looking forward to Tuesday!

Copyright © 2000-2018, Erica Lucke Dean. All rights reserved. Any retranscription or reproduction is prohibited and illegal.
Posted on June 3, 2013 .