armadillo couch potato

Have you ever had one of those days? You know the kind... you're rushing into the house to get out of the rain, arms filled with grocery bags, and your phone starts ringing. It's your mother with an emergency. Though, the word "emergency" is often a stretch. One woman's emergency is another woman's armadillo couch potato. 

Okay... I'll explain.

Mom was desperate to reach my sister, but she doesn't have Skype. I have Skype, so I was her only hope. And the reason she needed me to reach my sister via Skype was because my sister had abandoned her cell phone on the table when she fled the kitchen, flew up the stairs as if her hair was on fire, and locked herself in her second story bedroom. Why, you ask?

Because there was an armadillo running around her living room.

Now, admittedly, I've had my share of weird animal run-ins... from attack pigs to finding dead turkeys in my bed (I'll tell you that one later)... but never have I had the pleasure of discovering an armadillo in my living room. My sister freaked out and hid from the "prehistoric" creature (her words, not mine) wreaking havoc in her house. She called our mom's cell phone via Skype and asked her to send help. Of course, Mom couldn't call her back to arrange a rescue because she doesn't have Skype. 

When help finally arrived, my sister had to dangle from her bedroom window to give directions on how to break into the house, since all the doors were locked. In retrospect, she should have just told him to use the same entrance the armadillo did. The doggy door. And let me just toss in that this is precisely why I don't have a doggy door. An opening big enough for my dog to squeeze through would invite just about anything to come in with him.


My sister called me a few hours later to tell me the armadillo took a shit on her sofa. That was the only evidence he'd been there at all. I guess he decided to watch some TV while he was in the house. I mean, if I'm an armadillo, and I get the chance to hang out in someone's air conditioned house unfettered for an entire afternoon, I'm going to catch up on Animal Planet. 

And I thought I had problems. So much for having a few squirrels in the attic. My sister wins this round. But don't count me out yet. I have pigs again. And where there are pigs, there are stories to share. Just be patient. I can feel one coming soon.

Until the next time... I'll be washing the dead turkey vibes out of my sheets.

Copyright © 2000-2018, Erica Lucke Dean. All rights reserved. Any retranscription or reproduction is prohibited and illegal.
Posted on June 3, 2014 .