Weekly Guest Spotlight featuring fellow Red Adept Publishing author, Stephen Kozeniewski.
Oh! Hello. Didn’t see you there. Ray, good to see you. Cabin Goddess Kriss, how’s it going? I guess I hang out here so much that sometimes I feel like this is my blog, too, and that Erica’s fans are my fans, too. I mean, logically I know that’s not true. At least…not yet. J But today I’m hoping to change all that.
Who am I, you say? Well you might remember me from such past ELD hits as:
Instead of giving me (and you poor, poor people) a break, though, Erica has begged me for another blog post. And with the release of my own novel BRAINEATER JONES, I finally have a chance to sell you all something other than my warped worldview.
So, without any further ado (and, let’s be frank - that was a heck of a lot of ado) let’s move on to the meat of this blog post.
People often ask me about the dream cast for BRAINEATER JONES. As a serial mental onanist pondering that is, of course, one of my favorite activities. I think that after noodling it over pretty much daily for the last four years or so I’ve come up with a pretty good cast. And now, for the very first time, I’m going to share it publicly and you fine people all get to be the first to see it.
BRAINEATER JONES FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM ALL-STAR DRAFT KAPOW!
BRAINEATER JONES - Ah, the man himself. The zombie detective made good, trying to solve his own murder. The main character of my tale. I think there’s really only one actor in Hollywood with the chops to play this ‘30s era noir anti-hero: Mandy Moore.
KUMAREE TONG - Jones’s love interest. A dame with legs that won’t quit until the middle of yesterday. And a bit of a femme fatale with more going on beneath her trenchcoat than she’s letting on. This is a difficult choice, but for me, only one person really embodies the feminine spirit of Kumaree: the Man of Steel himself, Henry Cavill.
ALCIBÉ - Jones’s partner is a severed head. They meet in Little Haiti while Alcibé is in the clutches of an evil witch doctor or bokor…but perhaps I’ve said too much already. Despite his obvious limitations Alcibé proves himself to be a valuable addition to the Braineater Jones Detective Agency and Hunting Club. Really only one mind jumps out to play the cabeza: Dame Helen Mirren.
LAZAR - The man whose name is Lazar (or is it?!?!?) is the first other zombie that Jones encounters. He shows Jones the ropes, teaches him that zombies can only survive by drinking copious amounts of liquor, and zaps the rigor mortis out of his bones with a stripped electrical wire. Lazar is also a bootlegger and he might be hiding some secrets about the booze in the city, not to mention about his own body. I had to mull this one over, but when it struck me the choice seemed obvious: Loretta Devine.
THE OLD MAN - Hmm. Really, describing The Old Man physically would ruin the book for you, and probably send all my potential fans running to the insane asylum to request that I be committed. (Insane asylums still exist/do that, right?) Suffice it to say that he’s the rum runner kingpin and he happens to live in a Mason jar. I can think of only one thespian with the sheer gravitas to play The Old Man: Diane Keaton.
Well, there you have it, kids. I hope you enjoyed my visit and I hope you enjoyed my fantasy cast even more. If you’d like to hear more from me you can visit me at my blog (http://manuscriptsburn.blogspot.com) or on Twitter (https://twitter.com/oufortune.)
OH! OH! And before you go don’t forget to buy my…darn it, they already left. Well, here’s the book link anyway.