ageing isn't for sissies

Welcome to the Weekly Guest Spotlight


Toby NealTonight’s guest is writer Toby Neal, author of Blood Orchids. For more about Toby, click on her photo to visit her website.

Ageing isn’t for sissies.

Yeah, I know. Not an original thought. Yet I find that, like death and taxes, it’s a shock that it’s happening to all of us, all the time, as we read this—but only if we’re lucky enough.

Some people, with fabulous genes and tons of money, can cheat it for awhile… but ageing, for women, is a real bitch.

Hell, male ageing is a mean bastard too.

Somehow I didn’t think it would happen to me, and I know The Hubby didn’t think it would happen to him—and the shocker is, if the TV ads and changing media themes are anything to go by, we’re just statistics in a huge population bulge, all of us horrified and angry about the onset of these indignities.

Let me list some:

  • ·         Having recently had a close encounter (very close, mind you) with a Mammogram machine, I’m in a position to tell you it was designed by a man. No woman would leave corners on something like a giant, freezing waffle iron that squishes your tit and then say, “Don’t breathe for at least a minute while we get this image” while dragging your boob around like it’s a piece of Silly Putty.
  • ·         The phrase “just relax” as applied to a rectal exam is not really helpful.
  • ·         The hot flashes of menopause in women often coincide with the onset of Viagra in men (but only if you’ve managed to stay married that long.)
  • ·         Arthritis hurts and get this—there’s no cure. I know, shocking right? Just get used to being in pain and creaking around until it’s so bad you have to have a giant joint replacement operation that may or may not work. The alternative? Not having the operation and getting more and more crippled and in pain. But hey, you won’t die from it. That’s the good news.
  • ·         Skin is highly underappreciated until it all begins heading south and erupting in cancer as a result of all that frolicking you did in the ocean when you were young and thought you’d live forever.
  • ·         Wrinkles as the result of smiling most of your life end up making you look grumpy. I find this particularly ironic as I contemplate the deep hooked lines beside my mouth. Yep, I got those sad hound-dog grooves  from SMILING.
  • ·         Hair—where do I begin? For women, the debate of dyeing vs. not dyeing. For men, the manscaping of areas that should NEVER have hair growing out of them while Rogaine-ing areas that SHOULD have hair.
  • ·         Tight waistbands- apparently as you age, you have to eat less and work out more to stay the same. How fair is that, I ask you?

All these things combine to make me even more committed to escaping into writing crime/suspense romances where the protagonists are young and fit, the sex is hot, and the fights don’t pull any punches for potbellies.


Check out my fast-paced crime novel Blood Orchids—it’s FREE April 28 and 29!

also, my website!

About Toby Neal:

Toby Neal was raised on Kauai in Hawaii. She wrote and illustrated her first story at age 5 and has been published in magazines and won several writing contests. After initially majoring in Journalism, she eventually settled on mental health as a career and loves her work, saying, “I’m endlessly fascinated with people’s stories.”

She enjoys many outdoor sports including bodyboarding, scuba diving, beach walking, gardening and hiking. She lives in Hawaii with her family and dogs.

Toby credits her counseling background in adding depth to her characters–from the villains to Lei Texeira, the courageous and vulnerable heroine in the Lei Crime Series.

Thanks to Toby for another fantastic guest post. I’ll be back tomorrow night with more of my usual…errrr…crap from down here on the farm.

Until the next time…I’ll be making an appointment to have my roots touched up!

Copyright © 2000-2018, Erica Lucke Dean. All rights reserved. Any retranscription or reproduction is prohibited and illegal.
Posted on April 20, 2012 .