ding dong my laptop's dead

Under different circumstances, I might be singing "Ding dong my laptop died...holy crap, it f#cking fried..." at the top of my lungs, while dancing (badly) in my best underwear (trust me, girls do this) and eating freshly frosted cupcakes (seriously, there's never a bad time to eat cupcakes) in the orange glow of the flames.

Because, let's face it, I hated that damn thing. It was bad news, and my grandma always said, "Bad things burn in hell..." (I may have exaggerated something she said, but I'm sure I'm capturing the essence of what she meant) so the fact that my laptop burst into flames today could be sending me a message. And the message has been heard, loud and clear. My laptop was the spawn of Satan, and the depths of hell rose up to take it home.

Good riddance to bad garbage and all that. Then again...it did take a whole lot of my files with it, so maybe I've spoken too soon.  

In the past few hours, I've cried. I've yelled. I've considered throwing things around the house while spewing my favorite four letter words in rapid, yet very interesting combinations, all while consuming far too many freshly frosted cupcakes (see above reference.)

It's like a bonus round of PMS around here, and that's just a shame, because as weekends go, this was a pretty nice one. I drove to Raleigh, North Carolina to a party at my publisher's house, where I met many of my peers for the first time. We ate, drank, and did karaoke...and as you well know, that's as close to nirvana as life gets. Then I get home, log in to my laptop for some much needed internet surfing...I mean, work...and the damn things bursts into flames! 

As an aside, I didn't actually see the flames, but there was plenty of smoke, and the cord melted into a puddle of goo. As far as I'm concerned, this spells fire.  So now I wait impatiently as my husband pulls the stupid f#cking laptop (Samsung model number...oh never mind)  apart to salvage the hard drive and its contents. I want so very much to finish out this Viking funeral by tossing a few cups of gasoline on the damn thing and lighting it up for real. But that will have to wait. First order of business is acquiring a new laptop.

Do you think I could get away with having a telethon? I can sing...I tell good stories....maybe people would send money to pay for this monstrosity my imagination has built. Probably not. But it won't stop me from dreaming. 

Until the next time...I'll be shopping for a new laptop! 

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