and then the voices said...

Listening to the voices again...

I think it's official...I've gone off my rocker. Then again, my husband would probably say, "been there, done that." Several times over, in fact. But really, I think I've lost it this time. I've re-done my website more times in the past few days than I can keep track of. I've agonized over the smallest detail, like should I use sunshine yellow or daisy yellow? Should my name be in a cutesy font, or a professional font? (I went with cutesy, of course.) Should I add this here or that there? Finally, I'm done. It's perfect. Well, as perfect as I'm going to get for the foreseeable future. There's only so much perfection out there...I need to leave a little of it for the rest of the world.

So I'm sure you're wondering why I chose to stay up all night long and revamp what I'd already revamped several times over. Well, the voices made me do it.

You know them...the voices? The ones in my head that tell me what to write and when. They've apparently gotten together and decided that since we (they do most of the work, after all) have a book deal now, we needed a better website. They always get me into trouble. I have no idea why I still listen to them.

But listen to them I did, and like always, they were right.

Now if they'll just tell me how my next book ends we can all go back to being friends again. Do you hear that voices? Get cracking. I have a job to do.

Until the next time...I'll be listening to the voices in my head.

calling all writers

I think I may have finally burned myself out on the fan fiction. I suppose I’m a snob. I’ve been spoiled by my peers. I know so many fabulous writers that when I stumble on something so wretchedly written, I seem to find it that much worse than I may have otherwise.

So, calling all writers…get an editor!

Ok, so maybe I needed one too, and that’s ok. Any writer worth his or her salt needs an editor. But people please…some need one more than others.

I spent several painful hours this evening skimming through the needless fluff of a story I was reading just so I could find out how it ended. I don’t even know what possessed me to keep going when page after page of narration washed over me like the overflow of a septic tank (gross but true.)

I wanted to love it. And I really did love it right up to the point where the story took a nasty turn into info-dumpville. Do I really need to know every single steps the characters took as they baked a cake? Really? We needed ten pages of measuring the flour…the shortening…greasing the pan? I wasn’t reading Betty Crocker for crap sake. I was reading what was supposed to be romantic comedy. Unless I actually get a piece of the damn cake at the end, I don’t need to know step by step directions. I also didn’t need to have the same exact scene written out from each character’s point of view (POV for future reference) I mean…come on…it was the exact same dialogue from three different POVs. I didn’t need to read it over and over again. I actually paid attention the first time, and I was really annoyed as I skimmed through twice after that to see if I really needed the other POV to make sense of what was going on (I didn’t, by the way.)

And while I’m ranting…please keep your facts straight!

I actually read a flashback scene in the later part of the story that had been completely modified from the first time I’d read about that scene from the beginning. And I don’t mean POV…I mean actual continuity. That’s a major no-no. Take the time to keep your stuff straight!

Or lose readers.

Other than the crazy readers with OCD who can’t abandon the story until they find out what the hell happens. Yeah, we’ll still be here…skimming our way to the end, cursing you the entire time…poking imaginary needles into your imaginary voodoo doll. And you really don’t want that, do you?

Right…so just take my advice. Get an editor before you put your stuff out there for the world to see. I might forgive you for using rode when you meant road. I might even look the other way when you use the wrong there, their or they’re. But I’m not going to look the other way when your character suddenly has blue eyes in chapter ten when you so brilliantly described them as brown in chapter one.

Ok. I’m done now. I’m just glad I surround myself with brilliant writers who would never ever make those sorts of mistakes…right?

Until the next time…I’ll be sending a few pages over to MY editor for a quick peek!

and now a word from our sponsor...PMS

I had the best day ever yesterday. Not as in, best day in my whole life…but the best day so far on my website. I had over 2800 page views on my blog. I know some people have that every day, but for me, that was more than 1000 views more than normal. It made me ask myself…does this have something to do with PMS?

I know it’s crazy, but for some reason the posts I write about PMS just get more attention. More laughs. More page hits.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not complaining. I’ll gladly suffer for my art if that means you’ll come visit. But does this mean I should be doing more suffering? Or do you just like when I go all rogue…or Batgirl (note obscure vampire reference here) on society in general?

I’ve decided this subject is worthy of further investigation.

Are you fascinated with PMS, or a woman on the edge? And am I a woman on the edge or just a writer with a mission? Or…if we go deeper still…is a writer with PMS like a goose that lays golden eggs? It’s a scary thought. I mean, I love my readers, but I don’t know if I’m willing to have PMS all month long.

Well, whatever the reason…I’m really glad you’re checking in each day. I don’t exactly do this for the golden eggs. (Not that I’d turn them down, mind you) But, I do it for you…the readers.

So, I guess I’d better get back to it. I’ll dial back the PMS just a tad and see what happens. I know my husband will feel safer at night.

Until the next time…I’ll be wielding my mighty pen for the good of mankind! (Or not)