Erica Lucke Dean

"Making the world a better place, one book at a time."

valium anyone?

Today was a rough day.  Right off the bat, I almost broke down in tears in a room full of coworkers.  Instead, I retreated to my office where I quietly sulked until the tears evaporated.  I would blame it on the medication I was taking for muscle spasms in my neck, but since I hadn’t taken it yet, I guess I can’t.  I suppose it could be said that I was being overly touchy, but I think I’m entitled to be sensitive once in a while.  I am a woman after all.  I’m not going to talk about the muscle spasms…mostly because it isn’t funny.  I didn’t fall down, I didn’t trip or bump into anything, I just woke up with a major pain in my neck.  (That could be funny if I could think of a way to tie it into the tears, but I’m taking muscle relaxers, and that messes with my funny bone.)

So much happened today, but unfortunately, I don’t remember any of it.  Other than my morning cry, today was a big blur.  I probably shouldn’t have taken medication on an empty stomach.  After eating a light breakfast consisting of a handful of chocolate kisses and a few pistachios (I left my oatmeal on the counter at home) followed by a healthy lunch (chicken salad with nuts and grapes) I was ready for some comfort food for dinner.  Of course, I wasn’t so ready for it that I was willing to cook.  I ran out to the grocery store to the hot deli to get fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese.  I will have to eat salads for the rest of the week. (I don’t know what is worse…a Charlie horse in my neck or dieting, but at the risk of making a bad pun, I’m going to say they’re neck and neck.) 

The good news is, the prom dress is safely hanging in the hall closet, the shiny silver shoes are tucked safely in their box, and the teenage girl is still thrilled with her choices.  That alone will make me rest easier tonight. 

Then again, prom is just over a week away and I have a sinking suspicion that my weekend will consist of additional shopping trips for the accessories necessary for a perfect evening.  Oh, and did I mention that she has decided to take her sister as her date?  If you didn’t catch the ramifications of that, let me fill you in…there is another girl to buy a dress for!  

I remember a time when I was so excited to have a baby girl.  I couldn’t wait to dress her up in frilly dresses and hair bows. I delighted in buying her cute buckle shoes, and pretty little earrings.  I vaguely remember being warned, but I didn’t listen.  I was so certain that my little girl would NEVER grow up to be a horrible monster, hell bent on making my life miserable.  She would NEVER use a cross tone with me.  She would always be the pretty little princess who wanted to be just like her mommy.

Everyone tells me she’ll change back once she recovers from her teen years.  I do see brief flashes of that little girl from time to time.  She was there in the dressing room when we’d found the perfect dress.  It was like Christmas morning.  It reminded me of what’s important.  And every temper tantrum, every screaming match, and every slamming door is worth it in the end.  It’s all about that smile your daughter wears when she sees the little princess in the full length mirror.  It gives me hope. 

Until the next time…I’ll be dreaming of a new day.  And a winning lottery ticket!

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